What do I want now?

It's best to let go of stopping oneself from facing fears.
I don't want a job. At all. Ever.
I don't want to work for someone else, I'd rather work for myself to help someone else.
Suddenly it seems the easiest way to generate income would be to start a business that thrives from the start.
This is a list of things that I really DO want.

What do I want now?
I want a healthy relationship with Aye
I want to be a better boyfriend
I need to learn Japanese
I want to be a better dancer
I want to be a better artist
I want to support my family
I want to be financially stable
I want to change for the better
I want to be a great prospering artist
I want to be surrounded by great people
I want to be surrounded by consciously aware individuals
I want to be awake and alive
I want to be energized
I want to live an exciting lucid dream of countless possibilities
I don't want a job, I want to start a business
I want a revolution in my life
I want to cultivate artistic creativity
I want to be courageous
I want to tackle problems swiftly and effectively
I want an exciting and fulfilling life
I want to resonate at a high frequency
I want to live
I choose to do my best and live with these thoughts in mind
I want to let go of relying on my mind as opposed to my intuition
I want my mind to be aligned with what I want to accomplish
I want my actions to resonate with my words
I want my thoughts to guide me on a clear positive path to accomplishing my goals
I want life to be exciting and fulfilling
Everyday has the possibility for change
Each passing moment creates more opportunities

I need help to accomplish what I've set out to do
Times are tough and financial issues are terribly hard to overcome.
I could technically get a job, but how much better would it be to use creativity to thrive?
I'd like to get my own studio, maybe even my own house and turn it into a sanctuary for others.
I'd like to finish school

I could use loans, grants, donations, anything to help me get started without worrying about money. I want to change and help motivate others to change life for the better.
Life shouldn't be hard to figure out.
I want life to be more simple, and fun.

Found!!!!!!!

Thank you to the world, to the universe, for everything. Watch me make moves. Keep it movin! Finally found the flow. And I'm finally not alone on this one!

Doubts?

I'm letting go of them. I feel I'm good enough to have whatever I want so why stop myself now? Trivial things don't matter after this physical form is done away with. It's going to be a great day coming and it's all going to be okay.

Maybe I'll get a check in the mail. Maybe the money will just come. Maybe I'll find some ridiculously dope opportunities along the way and find the courage to act upon them.

I just want extraordinary days to be a regular thing in my life. My world, my rules. Everyone should do the same thing. I wonder what would happen if everyone forgot about the "real world" and stopped lying to themselves to pursue something that they actually wanted. Forget thinking that there's not enough time, not enough money, not enough anything.

There's no such thing as a stable job. There's nothing safe about getting a job that you hate. It'll kill you in the long run and you wont be happy. Who cares if your true path or calling looks risky, it's more fun that way. All the haters can keep doing what they're doing because they're only digging their own proverbial grave. Forget "safe".

I'm focusing on the good in my life. It can only get better. That's my answer from the last post. I may falter here and there but I choose happiness because nothing negative really matters after that.

Imma do me 'cause that's all that matters when tryna change the world. My homies and my fam taught me that and so much more.

Writing Randomness: Finding the Missing Piece

I don't really know what I'm going to end up with by the end of this post but I hope it's something dope because I need to figure this out. I need to find what I need to do with myself now. It's another time of reflection and finding out what I need to let go. What do I want in life? What do I want?

I want everyone to be happy, rich, healthy, and have everything. Everyone in my life. Everyone I meet. I've been meeting and getting to know some great people. I've been enjoying the company I keep close to me.

I feel afraid of something though. Something is keeping me from regularly updating this blog. I always come back to doubting myself. I have a youtube and I don't update that either or keep in touch with the people who've watched my videos. I have a deviant art account but I haven't made a painting or drawing in hella days. I have a new Myspace that has the potential to be a dope professional one. I have neoturtle.com and I don't use that either.

Something's stopping me from getting everything done. Making everything work. From making that first step. This is about that time I figured it out.

Lets see, I love art. I love to dance. I love to draw, paint, listen to music, and I'd like to learn how to make music.
I teach freestyling.
I'm trying to expand myself in all aspects of my life.
I want to be me. And I want to teach others to be themselves.
I want to get into choreography, but I'm scared my stuff isn't going to be good enough.
People tell me I'm dope but there's something keeping me from having that confidence in finalizing something.
I want to start something. Call it an artistic revolution. That's a huge thing to say for anyone and I can't believe I just wrote that.
I want to bring everyone in my life together to enjoy life and do what they love.
Money should come when happiness is already attained with what one has in their life.
At least accept it as the current moment.
Then the next step is to completely let go.
How do you let go of doubt? Fear? Guilt?
How do you say, forget it, I'm good enough!
Why shouldn't I have a life I love? Everyone deserves it!
What do I need to do to do that? How does one inspire people by the masses?

Michael Jackson did just that! But he killed himself! Why did someone so influential and loved recieve such a huge barrage of insults by being so dope? Remember what happened when he died though! There was so much love spread out to the world by everyone it's ridiculous! All the naysayers can't really say anything anymore. There's so much love that's been spread by his music, and he was just overly pushed through his life. But it's a sure sign that if there's a will there's a way, as cliche as that may be. Imagine if we went an easier path, filled with so much happiness that nothing became a chore. How does everything become fun? To do what you love.

I love art, why's it hard to make that first step to creating art? Why is it that we forget why we do the things we do? How do you grow and move to a better present moment?

Lets say for example if I accept the present moment for how it is. I have all the essentials and more. Yet there's a way to utilize everything I have to better my life. I have all the tools available. I wanna do something! I wanna be somebody! How do I get out and let everything go? I want to make something happen! Where do I start? When I have my answers I'm going to have a new post by the end of the day.

1st Boogiezone Experience

I completely failed at doing what I was trying to set out to do. It's amazing how being late and then suddenly getting nervous can affect my performance. Never again, that was really embarrassing. Mainly because I knew I did a terrible job teaching the class because my nerves got the best of me.

However, getting the jitters out from actually teaching a Boogiezone class for the first time and realizing how humbling of an experience it was, I'm thankful it happened the way it did. Obviously I would have to take the steps to remedy what was already done but it can't really get any worse than that because I wont let it happen again.

It just sucks that I was good for the whole day, I had my routine done and it felt different when I was choreographing it, and when I even re-taught it to myself to get the counts right.

Then when came time to actually get there everything went against my favor and I completely blanked. It was all in my head and it was all my fault. But now I know what happens when I'm not able to shake something off, and I just have to wait and see what the reception will be for my class when people find it if it ever gets posted up on YouTube.

I feel like I want to apologize to someone, anyone, but that won't do anything. It's definitely a shaky way to introduce myself but it's made me so much of a better person. I learned so much from that experience that I would never want to happen again. It brought me down hard to ground level so I'm still starting at zero at this point.

Maybe a second chance will come along soon but only if I chase it.

Tryna live a dream because that's all I want for the future, nothing less of that. No need for expectations because that's in the past now.

I'm just living in the present moment because life is too beautiful not to notice how perfect things really are. I can easily say I messed up but now at least I've started to do something and had made a first step in the right direction.

It's A Beautiful Day Outside!

I woke up for the first time in a long time around 630AM. Early, and it's clear outside! No clouds for once and it's beautiful to see the Sun on the rise.

Later tonight I'm also teaching Boogiezone Community Class for the first time!

Seems there may be many firsts today. Each day is a new awakening and my awareness is constantly growing in presence as I live to pursue my dreams to hopefully inspire other people to do whatever it is they have a passion for. The heart and soul are what matters, the material things are secondary. Money is secondary. Money will come, but faith in oneself is what's needed for that to happen. I can struggle and still be happy, because as cliche as it may seem, true wealth comes from within.

Suddenly it's not so hard to realize that which I'm set out to do. I want the people in my world to be happy. Forget all the past struggles because they're not happening at the moment NOW. Plan for the future but forget about it till it comes because it's not in the moment, NOW.

Why am I saying that?

I recently read the book The Power of Now and it resonated at a high frequency with me. It all made sense. I've been reading a lot of books in my search for spiritual enlightenment. I can't look at the world the same anymore. I daresay a lot of religions became so radical and obscured to the point now that the true messages got convoluted!

Live well, be good, and stay free. That's all that matters. Thoughts are tools to help us. But so many people have given in to be consumed by those thoughts that the true essence of life is lost. Life is more than this physical dimension. And even then this is all that currently IS at the moment.

So why worry? Why stress? Why bother to think negatively if it only makes life worse? Why would anyone want to kill their own souls by living life in disharmony from the self? People are trippin and it doesn't make sense. I've gone from a stage of extreme low to this natural high.

Good is good, and bad can only make me a better person so either way it's still good.

Today's a great day. Every moment I have with other people I cherish. Every moment I have to myself I cherish. There's a lot of love to go around, at least in my world. Either way I'm having fun with life.

Are you? =]

My Current Level Of Awareness

Life is great! My back is hurting a little bit but it's getting better. Been going to the chiropractor this past week I'm scheduled for it again this coming Monday. Everyone's been telling me to lay off my back. And I have, but it's made me more receptive to figuring out what else I can do with my body in terms of dancing. I'm still dancing regardless of whether my back is out of commission or not. For the moment, it is, hopefully by Sunday it will be decently healed.

Last Saturday was ABDC Auditions, and I'm hoping, praying, wishing, and wanting so badly to get on the show right now with Tha Acadamee. Either way it's not the end by any means regardless of the outcome, but the experience would be so fulfilling and it would open up a lot of doors for the crew. Just sending it out there, please root for us!

And now to the actual point of this update. Life is getting easier, and "coincidental" ocurrences are more common in my life. I'm surrounded by the most amazing individuals each in their own respect. It's a lot easier to trust myself with what I'm doing now. The hardest part is that I don't know what exactly I want to accomplish, down to one thing. I want so many things in life. I'd like to experience everything as an addative to my adventure. I'd like to be a powerful creative individual in several forms at once. People may say it's impossible to master so many things at once but I feel the opposite should be possible.

Why do we place limiting beliefs upon ourselves?
If the mind is so powerful, why has society told us otherwise?

There's such a lack of trust, that trusting oneself becomes something to be relearned. As children we are powerful beyond imagination. As we grow, we are sometimes taught that we're not good enough to reach our dreams by our own peers. And then we meet people who tell us otherwise, then they become our true friends.

Finding myself and reaching enlightenment is a difficult path. Finding my life's purpose is also a difficult thing to attain. It's all internal and there are so many possibilities. What must one do to reach the full potential? Taking the first step may be hard but what am I stepping towards?

I aim to inspire regardless of what I do in this life. At the end of the day everything will be okay, because life gets better with each present moment.