Writing Randomness: Finding the Missing Piece

I don't really know what I'm going to end up with by the end of this post but I hope it's something dope because I need to figure this out. I need to find what I need to do with myself now. It's another time of reflection and finding out what I need to let go. What do I want in life? What do I want?

I want everyone to be happy, rich, healthy, and have everything. Everyone in my life. Everyone I meet. I've been meeting and getting to know some great people. I've been enjoying the company I keep close to me.

I feel afraid of something though. Something is keeping me from regularly updating this blog. I always come back to doubting myself. I have a youtube and I don't update that either or keep in touch with the people who've watched my videos. I have a deviant art account but I haven't made a painting or drawing in hella days. I have a new Myspace that has the potential to be a dope professional one. I have neoturtle.com and I don't use that either.

Something's stopping me from getting everything done. Making everything work. From making that first step. This is about that time I figured it out.

Lets see, I love art. I love to dance. I love to draw, paint, listen to music, and I'd like to learn how to make music.
I teach freestyling.
I'm trying to expand myself in all aspects of my life.
I want to be me. And I want to teach others to be themselves.
I want to get into choreography, but I'm scared my stuff isn't going to be good enough.
People tell me I'm dope but there's something keeping me from having that confidence in finalizing something.
I want to start something. Call it an artistic revolution. That's a huge thing to say for anyone and I can't believe I just wrote that.
I want to bring everyone in my life together to enjoy life and do what they love.
Money should come when happiness is already attained with what one has in their life.
At least accept it as the current moment.
Then the next step is to completely let go.
How do you let go of doubt? Fear? Guilt?
How do you say, forget it, I'm good enough!
Why shouldn't I have a life I love? Everyone deserves it!
What do I need to do to do that? How does one inspire people by the masses?

Michael Jackson did just that! But he killed himself! Why did someone so influential and loved recieve such a huge barrage of insults by being so dope? Remember what happened when he died though! There was so much love spread out to the world by everyone it's ridiculous! All the naysayers can't really say anything anymore. There's so much love that's been spread by his music, and he was just overly pushed through his life. But it's a sure sign that if there's a will there's a way, as cliche as that may be. Imagine if we went an easier path, filled with so much happiness that nothing became a chore. How does everything become fun? To do what you love.

I love art, why's it hard to make that first step to creating art? Why is it that we forget why we do the things we do? How do you grow and move to a better present moment?

Lets say for example if I accept the present moment for how it is. I have all the essentials and more. Yet there's a way to utilize everything I have to better my life. I have all the tools available. I wanna do something! I wanna be somebody! How do I get out and let everything go? I want to make something happen! Where do I start? When I have my answers I'm going to have a new post by the end of the day.